I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
it's like heaven, but drunker
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
