I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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