see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
