That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
