So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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