I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
