Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
