Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it