I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
