Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible