Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
