I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
