i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
