...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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