his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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