Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
