I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
