Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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