Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
