so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
