Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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