Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I want to fling myself into the sun
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
