what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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