My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
