I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
