I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
