Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize