Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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