I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
