there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
