booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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