The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
