it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
