Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
