She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
