as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Please don't give away my fajitas
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
