I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
did i just pee glitter
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
