I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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