I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
