well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
