Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
