he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
