I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i came on her dog
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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