Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
