clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
