o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
she told me i tasted like america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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