I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
my shit smells like andre
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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