just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
