The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
