This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
