So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
