what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
