Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
she pinky promised me she was 18
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
