blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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