I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
