Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
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