I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Randomize
