He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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