The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
