NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
So squirting runs in the family.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
