You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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