I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
