I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
