pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
