Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
