I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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