I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You smell like stripper and shame
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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