So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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