she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
This is the high leading the old right now
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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