Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
