But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
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Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
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He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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