We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
