I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
