Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
