Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Don't make out with my wife yet
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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