I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
she pinky promised me she was 18
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
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