Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
