So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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