I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize