I feel like abortions should bother me more
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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