Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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