We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
