It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Do you still have your period?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
