i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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