My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
