I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
