I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
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He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
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So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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