you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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