glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
