Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
